THE PORN PANDEMIC DURING COVID-19 EPIDEMIC. HOW TO STOP PORNOGRAPHY

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It’s in December 2018. I have been invited to go and address bishops, priests, deacons, pastors, and other members of the clergy at a conference in Meru. The keynote speech I am supposed to deliver is titled “Sexuality and The Church”. Before I begin my address, I ask everyone in the conference, “If you have never watched pornography kindly raise up your hand”. I don’t see any hand risen. I ask again, “It looks like some of you didn’t get my question well, if you have never watched porn kindly raise up your hand”. No hand gets raised up. Remember this was a conference with close to a thousand attendants with most of them being church leaders from different denominations.

I understand that what I am writing could be a taboo to many. Not many people talk about what I am writing today. It takes guts and courage to talk about this.

Today am talking about pornography. I started by giving my Meru experience. I did that to show everyone who’s reading this article that this article is not just for those who are 17 but also those who are 71, not just for high schoolers but also campus graduates, dad, mom, teacher, CEO, Principal, Lecturer, MP, Governor, this article is for you.

Kirk Franklin is a renowned American gospel artist who’s name is associated with American music awards, Dove awards, Grammy awards, Stellar awards, Urban music awards, Soul train awards, among other accolades. He has tens of millions of records sold. Most of you reading this article have Kirk Franklin’s song on your phone or laptop, if not Imagine Me then it’s I Smile. One thing you don’t know is that Kirk Franklin was once an addict of pornography. He was a porn addict who hid behind gospel music. He stopped the addiction, he says.

Many youths are introduced to pornography even before adolescence. Over 70% of internet traffic is pornography. But before we talk about pornography, what is pornography? No, that’s an easy question, we all know what pornography is.

I was shocked when I joined a certain WhatsApp group full of great people whom we would all respect in the society but the number one group rule was “no porn”. I mean, this group has great people who respect themselves how can you even think about porn here? The question is where is pornography? That’s the question that most people will get wrong. Today we have tens of millions of pornographic sites, but is that the only place where you think your kid accesses pornography? No. Pornography is everywhere. Pornography is in Whatsapp statuses, pornography is in WhatsApp groups, pornography is on Facebook, pornography is on YouTube, pornography is in your TV sets, pornography is on Instagram, porn is in TikTok, I mean, Bethsheba is online.

In Kenya today, some artists have been saying that we should support local music. Well, it’s true we should support our own music, but really, are we supporting talents or pornography? There are these young men who call themselves Gengeton singers. The lyrics are dirty. Watching their songs is just the same as watching porn. These are the songs that your 11-year-olds are watching on TV. Is it a must for your song to promote premarital sex so as to gain YouTube views?

Parents, if you pick your kid’s phone and go through their Google search history you might die of a heart attack. I am not saying that you spy on your kid but you need honest conversations with them. We need sex education with our kids. Yes, we know they know a lot about sex but it’s better they get the information from you than getting it from the world.

We all know that pornography is a multi-trillion dollar industry today. We also know that pornography is evil. We all know that pornography was meant for the man and not the woman and that’s why the area of focus and point of view in the videos is always the woman and not the man. The devil has always used the woman when he wants to reach to the man.

I will not just talk about pornography but I will talk about the main effect of pornography. The main effect of pornography is masturbation.

I remember 2019 March, I was having a live interview at Radio Citizen with my friend Tina Ogal and Munai General. As we were discussing issues affecting the youth I mentioned that masturbation is also one of the issues. After the interview I got hundreds of missed calls, people wanted to know the cure to their masturbation addiction.

If you Google “self-abuse” it means masturbation as per Merriam Webster dictionary. It’s a reproach to oneself or abuse of one’s health.

Nobody is a slave of pornography unless they have accepted to be enslaved in the first place. I am afraid to say that millions of Kenyans are addicted to porn. It’s hard to give actual data or know who watches porn unlike we can give data on alcohol drinkers. You can know who drinks because you can see them drinking, but you can’t know who watches porn because you’ll never see them watching. You see many people dressed on colorful eye-catching double-breasted suits but they are porn addicts, they are CEOs earning seven-figure salaries a month but they are porn addicts, they preach to you every Sunday but the guy is addicted to masturbation, you run home every evening at 7 to watch them present news on TV but the woman is a porn addict, their offices have a mahogany table and leather seats but they are porn addicts, their schools get a mean of 10 but they masturbate, they are driving bulletproof convertibles but they are addicted to porn. You should make a deliberate decision today to stop it.

A human being is a spirit living inside a physical body and possessing an intellect/mind. Well, I have never done theology or Christology, but I am a staunch believer of the Word. Paul says that the war is between The body (flesh) and the spirit. It is between the seen and the unseen. If you bow to the body you’re against the spirit because the spirit and the body are always conflicting with each other.

If the body and the spirit are conflicting it means the only part that’s on its own is the mind. The mind controls itself. The mind’s function is to think. My mentor, Dr. Kinyanjui says “You are your mind”. There’s a Latin proverb that says “Cogito Ergo Sum” meaning “I think, therefore, I am.” You are what you think, meaning you are what your mind says you are. Deep.

From the mind, we get thoughts, from the thoughts we get feelings, from the feelings we get the actions, from actions we get the results. Your feeling should be ‘I am disgusted with pornography’. That feeling will propel you to actions to stop the activity.

In as much as we say that pornography and masturbation addiction can be stopped by mindset shift, we can’t forget the vital role that spirituality plays in stopping it.

Pornography is a spirit, masturbation is a spirit, you can’t fight evil spirit with the body, you can’t fight evil spirit with the mind. Its only a spirit that can fight another spirit. You might need prayer and fasting to break this bondage.

Lot was with his wife and two daughters when two angels (in the form of men) came and asked Lot if they could spend the night at his place. Men from Sodom heard that Lot had visitors and so they wanted to come and sleep with the visitors. Lot pleaded with them and even asked them to rather sleep with the two daughters and leave the visitors but they refused. The two angels struck the men of Sodom with blindness then told Lot and his family to leave Sodom and never look back. They left but the wife of Lot looked back and remained there as a statue of salt. Later, on the hills the two daughters made their father drunk then slept with him. The elder daughter gave birth to Moab. The generation of Moab is the one that gave birth to David and later Solomon. All these had sex issues as they were addicted to sex. It’s generational.

Jesus Christ himself was born from the genealogy of Moabites that had a history of sex. He broke all the chains of slavery, addictions, and generational curses on the cross. Jesus Christ is a spirit. He’s a spirit because we can’t see him. We don’t need to see him to believe him. We need to believe him to see him.

But again the question is, Kirk Franklin was singing gospel songs but he was watching porn, some pastors are porn addicts but still stand on the pulpit to lead the praise and worship. This is the hypocrisy of the highest order. Worse than Pharisees. I am here to help you to quit pornography and masturbation.

What is addiction? Addiction is a habit gone out of control. What determines if a habit becomes an addiction is the nature of the habit. Is it pleasure or pain? I will not go to the science part of addiction about endorphins, neurotransmitters, and dopamine. No, that’s too deep for us. The dangerous part of addiction is that one never gets enough of it, they will do over and over without moderation.

When you do an activity today and tomorrow, the activity gets programmed in your mind. Why do you eat thrice a day? It’s because you’ve been eating thrice a day since you were born. Does it mean eating twice or once is wrong? No, some people eat twice a day and are just healthy. It’s an addiction, something set in your mind over days, months, years, even decades. Nobody likes change, remember, even the mind doesn’t like change. It’s comfortable doing what it does every day.

Some porn addicts go to phycologist who are confused in equal measure, some drug addicts are taken to rehab centers then come out same same addicts or even worse. A certain 16-year-old boy addicted to masturbation went and told his pastor to help him stop it. Guess what the pastor told him? You’re still young, you’ll just stop it with time. The pastor didn’t know that he was speaking death to the life of this teenager. Who do you run to when you need to stop addiction?

You’ll say, it’s just porn. How often is normal? What when it starts to replace sex life? How will you explain to your spouse that it was porn that led to the divorce?

You’re not a slave of pornography, you’re a victim of your thoughts. Do this;
Evaluate daily routines, have a good reason to stop pornography, make a conscious and deliberate decision to stop masturbation, moderate your life and be all-round, avoid triggers- things that will make you want to watch pornography e.g Instagram and Facebook. Triggers are caused by depression, stress, loneliness, boredom, shame, anger, guilt, substance abuse, family issues, financial problems, and arguments. Know your trigger, break the chain.

Be busy, join classes, join the society, join NGOs, find social interests, connect with the world, learn a new language, make friends, and network. You’re not useless. You’re not empty. You’re not dirty. You’re not evil. You’re not powerless. You just need a good support system and the addiction is gone.

Remember, it takes 28 days to change a habit, it takes 90 days to create a lifestyle. Do it.

I know of many married people who practice pornography and masturbation. I know of families where the man masturbates and the woman doesn’t know, and the woman to masturbates and the husband doesn’t know. It’s not normal, is it?

Are you disgusted enough to stop pornography? Are you ready to face your spouse and tell them to support you to withdraw from pornography? Will you be happy to lose your sexual urge just because of porn? Are you happy supporting drug trafficking, lesbianism, incest, premarital sex, sodomy, child abuse, and human trafficking in the name of pornography? Are you bold enough to do whatever it takes to stop masturbation? Are you happy viewing images of other women in your bedroom when you’re with your wife? Are you at the rock bottom moment where enough is enough? Masturbation is not just a sin but infidelity too to your spouse. It’s not about money, cars, awards, accolades or fame, all this is reputation. What matters is your true character. True character is what you do when you’re in your bathroom alone.
You Can Stop Pornography. You Can Stop Any Addiction.
Do it.

Vidambu is a Speaker, Mentor, Coach, Trainer, and Author.
His Website Is www.samvidambu.com.
Kindly Like His Facebook Page; Sam Vidambu.
He is reachable on 0743480435.

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